Empowering parents of mixed race children with Dr. Jennifer Noble
Written by Heather Anderson
In our conversation with Dr. Jenn, a psychologist with almost 20 years of experience working with families and the mixed race community, we explored the unique challenges and triumphs of parenting mixed race kids. Dr. Jenn, who is mixed race herself, brings a deeply personal understanding to her work, blending professional expertise with genuine insight from her own experiences. This combination equips her to guide families through the complexities of identity, belonging, and resilience in mixed race children.
Dr. Jenn, your journey from discovering the mixed race community in college to becoming a coach for families with mixed race kids is unique and inspiring. What was that moment or experience that made you realize this was your calling?
My path to realizing this was my calling happened through many profound moments working with MASC: Multiracial Americans of Southern California, where I still serve on the advisory board. At these gatherings, whether they were happy hours or community events, I consistently saw a pattern: participants were deeply moved by the experience of being surrounded by others who shared similar mixed race backgrounds. They often expressed how rare it was to feel such a sense of belonging, and how it was the first time they could discuss their experiences with others who truly understood.
As we developed more programming, hosting a variety of events to foster community connections, I noticed a recurring theme during our discussions. Parents would hesitantly raise their hands, inquiring about resources for their teens and tweens—questions about identity, belonging, and parenting challenges specific to mixed race families. This was a lightbulb moment for me. We were filling such a crucial gap for adults, yet a similar, structured support system for the younger generation and their parents was starkly absent.
I remember one seminar vividly, where a parent stood up, her voice filled with a mix of concern and hope, asking for guidance on how to support her mixed race child through identity struggles. It was then that it clicked—I was deeply embedded in this community, equipped with knowledge and resources, yet I had been searching externally for solutions. It struck me: "I am the person I've been looking for," I thought to myself. This realization wasn't just an awakening; it was a call to action. I knew I had the tools and insight to make a real difference, and it was time to step up and meet this dire need.
“The debate about whether mixed race children are ‘better off’ with a white or Black mother overlooks the complexity of individual family dynamics. It’s not just about race; it’s about how parents, regardless of their background, engage with their child’s cultural education.”
Drawing from your profound involvement and the insights gained through your work with MASC: Multiracial Americans of Southern California, you've shared how your personal journey intersects deeply with your professional path. Could you share more about your own mixed race background? What is your personal heritage, and how has it influenced your perspective and approach in this field?
Yes, my background is African American and Sri Lankan Tamil, which offers a unique perspective not commonly represented in the typical mixed race narratives focused primarily on White-other combinations. Often, when I mention my Sri Lankan heritage, I get puzzled looks—people pretending to know where it is, or assuming it's just like India. It underscores a kind of invisibility that's not just about being unseen, but also about being misunderstood or overly simplified into categories that don’t fit.
Growing up, I felt this invisibility deeply. In school, I was simply seen as the Black girl until they met my mom and then came the inevitable confusion and surprise. Explaining my background led to more questions, often based on whatever little people knew about South Asia, which was usually limited to Indian stereotypes. This lack of understanding highlighted how my mixed race experience didn’t align with the more recognized narratives of mixed race individuals who navigate their identity visibly every day. Instead, my challenge was more about the minimization of my full identity, reduced to whichever part was more convenient or familiar to others.
This dismissal of my complex heritage is what drove me to seek spaces and platforms where the full diversity of mixed race experiences could be acknowledged and celebrated. It's why I've been so passionate about creating understanding and dialogue around the unique paths that people like me navigate, often quietly, in the background.
Considering your own experiences and what you’ve seen in your work, can you share your thoughts on the popular debate about whether mixed race children are 'better off' with a white or Black mother? How do you view the impact of which parent—mother or father—has which racial identity in mixed race families?
The debate about whether mixed race children are 'better off' with a white or Black mother overlooks the complexity of individual family dynamics. It's not just about race; it's about how parents, regardless of their background, engage with their child's cultural education. While mothers often lead in passing on cultural values, their personal connection to their heritage can vary. For instance, non-white mothers might distance themselves from their culture due to negative experiences, impacting how they transmit cultural knowledge to their children.
Similarly, I've seen white mothers deeply committed to connecting their children with their non-white heritage, challenging the stereotype that cultural transmission is best handled by same-race parents. Ultimately, the key factor in a child's cultural identity development is not the race of the parent but their willingness to actively celebrate and teach all facets of the child’s heritage.
Growing up, how did your own mixed race identity shape your perspectives and lead you to advocate for others navigating similar experiences?
As an African American and Sri Lankan Tamil, my mixed race identity didn’t fit the common narratives, which primarily explore White-Black or White-Asian mixes—or at a minimum, white and any non-white race. This focus meant that my own experiences, where neither racial background is white, were often overlooked in both research and dialogue.
This gap became evident during academic discussions and community events like those hosted by MASC, where the concept of 'in-betweenness' was discussed. It struck me that these discussions rarely captured my type of 'in-betweenness'—an equal blend where no side is seen as dominant.
This realization underscored the need for a broader approach to mixed race identity that includes and values all combinations, especially those without white parentage. It motivated me to ensure voices like mine are heard and represented fully, advocating for a more inclusive understanding of mixed race experiences.
You’ve mentioned that many mixed race adults look back on their adolescence as a challenging time for their identity development. How does this insight influence your approach to coaching parents and supporting kids?
Understanding the complex adolescence of mixed race individuals deeply influences my coaching. Adolescence is a critical time for identity development, and mixed race kids often face unique challenges. They can feel isolated or misunderstood, which is something I bring to light for their parents.
In my sessions, I share stories and strategies from the mixed race community to help parents understand their children’s experiences. We discuss how important it is to be actively involved and to create a supportive space at home. For instance, I provide parents with specific conversation starters, important questions to ask, and signs to observe, all aimed at fostering open and meaningful discussions.
This approach helps parents navigate their children's needs effectively during these formative years, ensuring they feel understood and valued, which is crucial for building their confidence and sense of self.
In your experience, what are some key conversations parents of mixed race children often overlook but are crucial for their child’s sense of identity and belonging?
A crucial yet often overlooked discussion among parents of mixed race children is how their child's phenotype—visible characteristics like skin color and hair texture—affects their social interactions and self-perception. It's not only about celebrating their heritage at home but also preparing them for how they are perceived by the outside world.
For instance, when a child notices differences like, "My skin is tan, and yours is darker," it's a perfect opportunity to discuss phenotype and melanin. This conversation can help them understand and articulate their identity. Similarly, parents should not shy away from addressing comments from others, including family members, about the child's appearance. When a grandparent comments on a child’s hair or skin, it’s essential to turn these into teachable moments, explaining why they look the way they do and fostering a sense of pride.
Additionally, it's important to discuss monoracism—the specific form of prejudice faced by mixed individuals, which differs from more general forms of racism. Understanding monoracism helps both parents and children recognize the unique challenges they may face and prepares them to address these issues knowledgeably and confidently.
By empowering parents to have these open and educational discussions, we aim to create a supportive environment where children feel fully understood and valued. These conversations are vital for building resilience and self-esteem, ensuring that mixed race children can navigate their diverse worlds with assurance and pride.
I know you (and others) have observed that a strong connection to their multiple cultures gives mixed race adults a deeper sense of self. How do you guide parents in fostering this connection within their families?
Fostering a strong connection to their cultures within mixed race families is one of the most impactful parts of my coaching. I often meet parents who feel guilty or stressed because they believe they've lost touch with their own heritage, or they feel they never truly connected with it from the start. My message to them is clear: it's never too late. You can discover or rediscover your heritage alongside your child. This can be a beautiful journey of shared learning, whether it's exploring new languages together, trying out traditional recipes, or diving into the histories that shape your identities.
Moreover, I encounter parents who worry they don't have any "real" culture, especially multi-generational white Americans who feel disconnected from ethnic traditions. I guide them to see that every family has a culture, even if it seems mainstream or normalized. The traditions you uphold at home, the food you serve, they all form the fabric of your family's unique cultural tapestry. For instance, one of my clients realized that something as simple as marshmallow fluff sandwiches, a staple from her childhood, was a part of her family’s cultural legacy.
It’s about embracing and celebrating these elements with your children, showing them that culture isn't just something found in far-off lands or ancient histories—it's also in the everyday, in the small but significant rituals that we might take for granted. This approach helps create a rich, inclusive environment where children learn to value and take pride in their diverse heritage.
For parents just joining the Mixed Life Academy or those considering it, what advice do you have for making the most out of the experience?
For new or prospective parents in the Mixed Life Academy, my top piece of advice is to engage actively. Don’t just absorb the content—apply it. Experiment with the strategies we discuss in your daily interactions with your children and observe what resonates with your family. Participation in community discussions is also crucial. You’ll find that sharing experiences and solutions with other parents can provide new insights and reinforce your own understanding.
Additionally, always be open to learning and questioning. The field of mixed race identity development is dynamic, and new theories and practices are constantly emerging. Embrace the journey with curiosity and a willingness to adapt your perspectives as you learn more about the diverse experiences of mixed race families.
What impact do you hope your work with Mixed Life Academy (MLA) has on society?
My hope is that the work we do at MLA will foster greater understanding and acceptance of mixed race identities not just within families but across society. By educating parents and providing them with the tools to support their children’s identity development, we're building a foundation for more inclusive communities.
Ultimately, I envision a world where mixed race individuals feel confident and secure in their identities, free from the need to justify or explain their existence. The ripple effects of our work should encourage broader societal shifts towards embracing and celebrating diversity in all its forms.
Your program encourages parents to challenge the world that their children live in. What are some ways parents can actively dismantle systems of oppression and foster a more inclusive environment for their mixed race kids? I feel like it's a big question, like how do they tackle the world?
Yes, but I can answer it. I mean, there are a lot of different ways that I encourage parents to challenge the world in which their child is living. One of the core pillars of my program is what I call 'liberation,' and it involves teaching parents how to resist systemic norms to create space for their children's freedom. This starts with seemingly small actions that can have a profound impact. For example, consider the common school forms that prompt children to check a box defining their race. I encourage parents to challenge these forms by either selecting multiple boxes or discussing with their child the absurdity of such limited choices. This act of defiance not only questions the form's relevance but also empowers the child by acknowledging the complexity of their identity.
At a higher level, I advise parents to take these concerns to school administrators to advocate for change in how these forms are structured. This isn't just about ticking boxes; it's about dismantling the everyday systems that don't recognize or accommodate the fluid and multifaceted nature of identity. Through these actions, parents can actively participate in breaking down the barriers their children face and foster an environment where their mixed race children can thrive without constraints.
In your coaching experience, who do you find yourself working with most often? Can you share some insights on the unique perspectives or challenges that these different groups of parents bring to your sessions?
In my coaching, I serve a diverse range of parents, including white parents of mixed race children, monoracial parents of color, and mixed race parents themselves. Each group brings unique perspectives and challenges to our discussions.
White parents often seek guidance on how to connect their children with their African American or other cultural backgrounds, which they themselves are not a part of. This includes navigating unfamiliar cultural practices and addressing the challenges of raising children who might be perceived differently than them.
Monoracial parents of color sometimes struggle with their own experiences and biases, which can affect how they connect their children with their cultural heritage. These parents might also deal with feelings of displacement or concern about their children's identity being different from their own.
Mixed race parents frequently come with firsthand knowledge of the complexities of living within multiple cultures, which enriches the conversation immensely. However, they also face their unique set of challenges, often revisiting unresolved issues about their identity when seeing them reflected in their children.
The common thread across all groups is the universal concern for ensuring their children feel confident and secure in their identities. My role is to facilitate this process, helping each parent learn from the others' experiences while tailoring advice to meet their specific needs.
For parents just joining the Mixed Life Academy or those considering it, what advice do you have for making the most out of the experience?
The key to benefiting the most from the Mixed Life Academy is intentionality. It’s crucial not only to engage with the material but to apply it actively in your daily life. For instance, when we discuss ways to incorporate cultural elements at home, I encourage parents to try these with their children, like cooking a traditional dish together or exploring stories from their cultural background. Being proactive about initiating conversations and using the prompts provided to discuss identity and culture with your children or partner makes a significant difference. Observing your child's reactions and bringing those insights back into our sessions allows us to tailor guidance that specifically addresses your family’s needs.
How important is the community aspect of the Mixed Life Academy to the overall experience, and what kind of support can parents expect to find from peers?
The community aspect is vital. It provides a network of support that many parents find invaluable as they navigate the complexities of raising mixed race children. Parents can connect with others who face similar challenges, share strategies, and offer mutual support. This communal support empowers parents to realize they are not alone in their experiences. Our community discussions can range from sharing personal stories to organizing group activities that reinforce cultural appreciation, helping parents and their children feel part of a larger, understanding community.
Parenting Mixed Race Children? Next steps to take:
Book a 15min Info call with Dr. Jenn here
Follow Dr. Jenn on instagram for educational content and to learn about upcoming workshops and events!
Send her an email at: drjenn@freetobecollective.com
You can also find Dr. Jenn on Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok and X.
You can also find her on The M List, The Mamahood’s searchable database of mom-recommended resources, or connect and collaborate with Jennifer inside of The Club membership for women Founders.